First of all I just wanted to say I've been using fts and it's been slow going. 5 lbs in 4 weeks :-/ feeling a little discouraged at the moment but I know there are many topics devoted to slow weight loss.

What I really wanted to touch on was using food to cope.  I've been using food as a coping mechanism for what seems like my entire life. It started with sexual abuse at a young age, I started to see and hear things that didn't exist and my grades suffered..eating, eating, eating made me feel better. Then in my teens my mom said something that has always stuck with me "you'd be so pretty if you lost weight". I started binge eating then purging, I got down to 130 lbs and felt "perfect", the voices were getting worse and I attempted suicide. I finally got help with a push from my boyfriend. Diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, and PTSD. And through all of this food was my comfort- constant non stop eating. I stopped caring how I looked and didn't care if I got fat. If I was fat no one would expect anything of me right?   At the end of this journey I've recently been diagnosed with epilepsy- I can't drive for six months, and I can't walk or bike ride without a babysitter. But food, food has always been there. I love food, it's my friend. I've just gotten up to my heaviest weight of 270 (on a 5'3 frame). I've just started eating healthier and feel like I've lost a great comfort that used to be copious amounts of junk food and non stop eating.

I guess at the end of this unintended stupid sob fest I'm just wondering if anyone felt a sense of "loss" when starting to eat healthier? How do you cope when the feelings are unbearable? It's not even cravings that I feel. I feel like I've lost a source of comfort, a coping mechanism that I no longer have.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Please.

-amanda