A Minor Rant Against 'Supportive' Friends

[morgan]

One of my best friends (who is only mildly overweight, but who states she would die on no carbs - her main diet is bread, cakes lollies, vegetables, little meat, even less cheese and lots milkshakes).  We were sitting having a coffee when she asked how long this phase was going to last because it will get a bit boring sitting with someone who was not going to be sharing cakes and what if we go away - I would have troubling finding food and resisting sweets if, say,  we went on a cruise.  Yes this was one of the things I had enjoyed doing - going out for coffee and cake (money being short and this being affordable).  I explained that we could still go out for coffee (I always have herbal teabags in my purse if they don't make vienna coffees) and that if we went on another cruise there were heaps of things I could eat, but yes I would have to stay away from most of the desserts (they look much better than they taste anyway).   I was not expecting her to follow my eating plan but that she referred to it a 'phase' and I felt she implied it was an inconvenience to her enjoyment. I also resent her telling everyone I meet that I am doing low carb  - she is a private person who does not want anyone knowing her private doings, but apparently feels okay to tell all and sundry mine.  I'm usually an easy going person 'live and let live' but honestly I  was irritated to say the least.  What is it with blunt people?

[SarahC]

Morgan, it sounds to me like she doesn't want you to succeed because she'll look bad and feel guilty for eating things she knows she shouldn't. She might also subconsciously feel superior that she's only 'slightly' overweight. 

I had a fat friend who tried to sabotage me all the time when she fixed meals for our game group. I had to get tough or stay fat - I started bringing my own food. Then she decided to try to lose weight and acted like we'd been keeping her fat! This was even before I was on FTS. She just didn't want me to get skinny while she stayed fat. She's moved away so it's not an issue any more. She was full of excuses, too, when I told her about FTS, and wasn't really serious about losing weight, because she's back to her old ways, high carbs.

[Andrea]

I think this is a female thing.  I was a member of a group that has one very heavy member who is constantly announcing her current diet and then eating everything in sight.  She started low carb about a month before my FTS experience started.  There was a lot of dysfunction in the group already, but as I lost weight and she stayed the same (while eating M&Ms and multiple helpings of whatever dessert was available) no one could comment on my success because they didn't want to hurt her feelings. 

What I'm trying to say is that we've discovered that FTS works for us and we know the benefits.  We are spreading the word however we can and we are seeing movement in the medical community that will help in the fight.  Our successes and willingness to talk about them are what we have to offer to the cause.  When we stay calm in the face of negatively, we win another battle.

I live a low carb lifestyle and because of it I'm healther, happier and skinnier.  I tell anyone who asks and a few who don't.

[umpa]

Morgan i went on a cruise a couple of years ago with my daughter on Norwegian .i was shocked how much low carb fare there was including desserts.I gotta tell you though you need to get skinny just so you can say nana booboo! I am skinny and you are "slightly overweight!"   What is vienna coffee?

[suzlyn454]

I totally understand this.  One friend of mine has noticed my journey and periodically makes comments.  Her husband recently retired and wanted to get on FTS (which would cause her to do it too).  I loaned them my book and gave them lots of information on FTS friendly products.  I also helped her sign on here so she could get more support and help.  A week later she gave me Doug's book and the information back.  

[umpa]

Gotta have the want to

[Andrea]

I think it's important that we not minimize that we have made lifestyle changes.  Not everyone can see the long-term picture.

[BigTex]

A "Vienna coffee" is the name of a popular traditional cream based coffee beverage. It is made by preparing two shots of espresso in a standard sized coffee cup and infusing the coffee with whipped cream (as a replacement for milk and sugar) until the cup is full. Then the cream is twirled and optionally topped off with chocolate sprinklings. The coffee is drunk through the cream top.

[owensmath]

When someone tried to offer me some sugar laden crap and tried to assure me that a little  wouldn't hurt, I often replied with one of these thoughts:
1. Would you offer an alcoholic drink to someone who had worked hard to overcome his/her addiction?
2. If I were allergic to peanuts, would you try to get me to eat peanut butter?
3. I am diabetic and that could potentially and quite literally kill me, so I will pass, thanks!

I am more concerned about my health than their feelings, to be quite honest. If they don't get that, then they probably aren't truly on my side so...... Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya! 

[shawn116]

I am more concerned about my health than their feelings, to be quite honest. If they don't get that, then they probably aren't truly on my side so...... Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya!

   I like the way you think  

[Andrea]

Lots of food for thought here.  I love your analogies, Donna.

[SarahC]

Thanks, Andrea! I have people who tell me 'a little won't hurt you!' all the time. Now I know what to reply. Sometimes it's easier just to say 'no thanks, I'm not hungry' than to go through the angst.

[mouseissue]

Hi Morgan!

If you look at the bright side, your friend is actually helping you "open doors" to talk to others about FTS.
So this really isn't all that bad.

As far as FTS, to the outside world, any change in eating habits constitutes some form of "diet".
The word "diet" has come to have negative connotations involving deprivation.

And that is what makes FTS so wonderful... It REPLACES unhealthy high carb foods with wonderful replacements.
That's why we can do it for a lifetime and be eating great all the way!

[Waterlilly]

"Friends" like that always bug me. They're the type of women you have so much in common with, yet they always seems to be playing the "evaluating" game and comparing themselves to you.

My take on this is that she's not so much a "Friend" as a "frenemy". Women compare themselves to other women, but when it starts to bring out their mean side, it always sounds my klaxon alarms.

Maybe you should relegate her to the "frenemy" category?  And I want you to know that I have PLENTY of experience with people like this! finally, in my mid 30's, I feel like I don't have to put up with that kind of behavior. Even a little bit.

I would say maybe see her less, if you can. And if you can, tell her that her behavior is bothering you and that you would like her to stop.

This is exactly why I don't tell very many people I'm doing this. I don't want to have to tell them to "bugger off" at some point because it's easier to just not tell them in the first place. Saves me some future irritation from people who don't really deserve to know this important part of my life anyway. 

[morgan]

Morgan i went on a cruise a couple of years ago with my daughter on Norwegian .i was shocked how much low carb fare there was including desserts.I gotta tell you though you need to get skinny just so you can say nana booboo! I am skinny and you are "slightly overweight!"   What is vienna coffee?