Food to cope...

[Amandacheryl]

First of all I just wanted to say I've been using fts and it's been slow going. 5 lbs in 4 weeks :-/ feeling a little discouraged at the moment but I know there are many topics devoted to slow weight loss.

What I really wanted to touch on was using food to cope.  I've been using food as a coping mechanism for what seems like my entire life. It started with sexual abuse at a young age, I started to see and hear things that didn't exist and my grades suffered..eating, eating, eating made me feel better. Then in my teens my mom said something that has always stuck with me "you'd be so pretty if you lost weight". I started binge eating then purging, I got down to 130 lbs and felt "perfect", the voices were getting worse and I attempted suicide. I finally got help with a push from my boyfriend. Diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, and PTSD. And through all of this food was my comfort- constant non stop eating. I stopped caring how I looked and didn't care if I got fat. If I was fat no one would expect anything of me right?   At the end of this journey I've recently been diagnosed with epilepsy- I can't drive for six months, and I can't walk or bike ride without a babysitter. But food, food has always been there. I love food, it's my friend. I've just gotten up to my heaviest weight of 270 (on a 5'3 frame). I've just started eating healthier and feel like I've lost a great comfort that used to be copious amounts of junk food and non stop eating.

I guess at the end of this unintended stupid sob fest I'm just wondering if anyone felt a sense of "loss" when starting to eat healthier? How do you cope when the feelings are unbearable? It's not even cravings that I feel. I feel like I've lost a source of comfort, a coping mechanism that I no longer have.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Please.

-amanda

[owensmath]

Amanda,
First let me say that I am so sorry for the unimaginable abuse you have suffered. I will pray for you to feel the comfort of the Lord and for Him to show you your true value and worth, and how precious you truly are.

Secondly, let me say that I can understand what you mean by food always being there. When I first started FTS, I could only focus on what I lost.....all the choices of foods. However, I began to feel like I was gaining so much more than I had ever chosen to give up! I now enjoy smells and sights, even sounds, so much more than I did before when I was so singularly focused on taste. I have learned about foods and ingredients that I never knew existed. I feel "clean" on the inside when I avoid junk food and eat something more wholesome and natural.
I also feel like I am finally in control of my body because I can say yes and no when I truly want to, and I am not driven by the urges that once controlled me. Two years ago, I would have never imagined how great I would feel at this point.
I know it is a slower process for some of us than others, especially for us ladies. However, it is still a process and I am benefitting in so many more ways than just weight loss. I am so much more healthy, more confident, more compassionate toward others who are where I used to be, and my former bouts with depression are gone. My back pain rarely visits, too.
Please don't give up because you had higher expectations for quick weight loss. I felt that way, too, but I would not trade this new way of living for anything.
You are worth the investment of time!
Welcome to the family!

[Doug Varrieur]

Hello Amanda your story brings a tear to my eye. The problem seems very complex but the truth is the solution is really very simple to state but will require all the strength you have to implement. It's time for you to realize that food in not your friend, nor is it your enemy. You must put food in the place where food needs to be....fuel.

That's all it is, just like gas for your car food is fuel for your body. If I was you I would write "you are not my friend, you are fuel that I don't need unless I'm hungry" on stickys and place them on all the food in your house! Put them everywhere, it's time for YOU to re-program the way you think. Only you can do this. A healthy relationship with food is recognizing it for what it is and no more.  

The next thing I would do is replace this lost relationship with a new relationship, a passion that you delve into with all of your energy. The unhealthy "habit" you've formed can and must be replaced with a new healthy habit. Within a couple of weeks your new habit will feel normal to you just as your old habit has for years. Maybe some of our forum members can make some suggestions to you on a replacement habit. They may range from knitting to feeding the poor.

I see that your post came to us at 3:49 am, if that's correct I see another problem here, lack of sleep. It's been well documented that people who stay up to the wee hours of the morning over eat from boardom. To further complicate the problem your body has a difficult time metabolizing this food.

I know all of these problems you're saddled with seem overwhelming but God never gives us more than we can handle. You need to FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT this battle Amanda, only you can lead the charge.....make a decision and stick with it.      

[Waterlilly]

Amanda - I understand all about emotional cravings. Not too long ago, I posted about how I've lost the physiological desire for food in that I don't really "want" it, but yet the old patterns  of hunting down "the fix" remained. Do a search for "Waterlilly" and you should see my posts. I don't have too many at this point so it should be easy to find. Emotional eating is a complex issue.

Eating FTS will help because it will destroy the physiological desire for food. What you eat will satisfy you. As for the emotional component, that will be up to you to break. I find myself eating for comfort or protection from time to time. And I KNOW what you mean about thinking if you're too fat, then you will be absolved of life responsibility and nobody will require anything of you. For me and for a while, if I was overweight, then nobody would want to date me and I could continue to hide from people. Can I tell you something? THIS IS NOT A GOOD LIFE PLAN.

As for the tough stuff, I find that when I'm trying to get some things straight, a therapist can be wonderful for this type of thing. I don't think therapy is just for those with major mental illnesses. I think the world is very complex and if you're sensitive, it can be a tough place. But if you're willing to work through the reasons for emotional eating, you can do it. Therapy can also come in the form of a good friend, a vacation, dance lessons, or a church that really fits you. There are all kinds of ways to heal.

Lastly, what I found most helpful in dealing with emotional eating is addressing the issues I am stuffing down. Once in a while I have to do this because I did this all the time in grad school and gained a LOT of weight (which I lost later). If you're eating emotionally, then something is wrong. So what is it? Only you can find out.

I do promise that eating FTS will help you on this journey because those physical cravings will be gone. It will make the rest MUCH easier to deal with. Good luck!

[umpa]

Welcome to the forum Amanda I am Umpa ,Dougs wife.
My heart goes out to you.I am here for you anytime you need help.As a mother I want to take you by  the hand and teach you strength and self worth.You need to feel empowered as a woman and there is only one way to get there CONTROL.You need to TAKE Control of your life.By doing this you will feel empowered. Tell me about the great things in your life.What are you grateful for. You need to let this baggage go and start over today .Put your past behind you and start your future today without ever looking backwards. You can do whatever you want, JUST DO IT! If you don't you are allowing the people that hurt you to win.Don't allow that.Your health issues are all manageable. If I can help you please ask.

[Amandacheryl]

Thank you everyone for your advice and words of encouragement. Everything everyone says has really got me thinking about life and what I can do to change and take control. I need to stop letting food and my issues rule my life. This is MY life and I should fight for it. Even though I've replaced the naughty foods with better choices I can still sit down in one sitting and eat 4 eggs, a head or broccoli and an entire block of feta cheese. :-/. You're right Doug, food is fuel and I shouldn't be giving my body more than I can handle. Staying up all night is not the norm for me, but I let my medication that helps me sleep run out. Thank you umpa(sp?) for your support and as for things I'm thankful for : my wonderful supportive boyfriend, my three wonderful dogs, the new house we just bought, and the deck I'm going to spend considerable amounts of time sunning myself in this warm weather . I can't thank everyone enough for their positive outlook, you people, this whole community is a blessing.

[mouseissue]

Welcome to the FTS family, Amanda!!!

I cannot imagine the pain you've suffered from those abuses.
It really breaks my heart to hear of such cruel suffering.

But today IS the first day of the rest of your life.
And today, you can change your destiny FOREVER!

Most all of us here are recovering food/carb addicts.
This is how we became those "special people" that Doug talks about.
We know all to well about linking food with coping... IT DOESN'T WORK!!!

In order to be healthy we've have had to learn to change our relationships to food.
It may seem very difficult right now, but it CAN be done.

During the first couple of weeks or so, your body will be going thru "sugar detox".
And cravings for junk (high carb) food can be VERY strong.
Giving in to those cravings will only prolong the detox process.
This is why Doug recommends purging your home of ALL high carb junk so that you won't be tempted to give up before really getting started.

Getting plenty of sleep and drinking LOTS of water are a BIG help!
Do your best to not neglect either one.

Please let us know if there's ever anything you need.
We're all right here for you when you need us.

Tony

[catznflwrz]

Dear Amandacheryl, I am new to FTS too, but not so new that I haven't already experienced everything that you are going through...all of it, the new stuff your experiencing as you apply FTS concepts and the old...abuse. I am currently struggling with slow weight loss disappointment, facing giving up what (in a former post) I called the only pleasant thing in my life lately...food and extra issues that slow weight loss significantly in the form of not much or no exercises and medications that affect my metabolism. So I UNDERSTAND how you feel about many things. I've written plenty of "pity party" posts in the past 2 months as I've begun the fight to find my former (or better than that) self both physically and mentally. I HAVE NEVER FOUND BETTER HELP THAN FTS... everyone, and I mean everyone, will help you with advice and support. Remember, the first thing that must happen to begin to heal from ANY abuse you have suffered; forgiveness. Without it your abusers will continue to steal your happiness/success and will still be controlling you. I certainly am not judging that you haven't forgiven, I'm only saying this in case you haven't...because the lack of it will sabotage any other efforts to move on/change your self or your life. If you supply the "want to" FTS will help you succeed! Welcome, you are among friends here. There is no agenda other than successful weight loss and health. catznflwrz

[mouseissue]

Hello Catz!

You bring up an excellent point about forgiveness that all of us should remember.

Forgiveness frees US!... Not the one (or ones) who harmed us.

The key to completely healing and moving on, is forgiveness.
Without it, we hold OURSELVES prisoners to past injuries.

Thank you for your post.
It should help others get healthier emotionally, while FTS does this on a physical level.

[Andrea]

Welcome to the forum, amandacheryl.  You have a lot more to overcome than I have ever had to face but you have come to a place that can provide support for you as you try to get your weight to a healthy number.  I believe that gaining control over one part of your life, in this case what you are eating, can empower you to gain control in other areas.

Thank you for sharing your trials and blessings with us.  There are lots of fine folks checking in to see who needs advice or just a place to complain for a bit.

We look forward to sharing your journey to health with you.

[suzlyn454]

You have received a lot of excellent advice (and you always will) here.  Something that I would like to share regarding what you call "comfort" eating.  I too went thru stages of depression and binge eating.  Like you, thinking food was my comfort only to realize after I had eaten that whole bag of chips or 3 plates of dinner food; that I was more depressed.  Depressed because I didn't like myself eating all that food, I felt worthless and my self esteem was very low.  Then you think everyone else feels the same way about you, thus a vicious cycle because the next day it was easy to do again.  Of course I've tried so many different ways to control my weight.  Being 58 years old I always said that I wanted to be in good shape at 60 and be able to enjoy life.  Wellllll...I'm really close to my age goal and half way to my FTS goal.  Not until FTS did I find out and realize that even though I am not a diagnosed diabetic I was well on my way because of my sugar and carb addiction.  Now I can say no to foods that I can't and won't eat.  I am so thankful for me, my life, my family and all the wonderful things that have come my way.  I was especially moved by your following comment, remind yourself daily of your blessings.  Make it a goal every day to find something to replace the wrong foods you are eating, learn something new each day, add another reason to be thankful for your life, celebrate that breathe of air you are given each morning and look in the mirror and say "I love you!"

  Please do not

and as for things I'm thankful for : my wonderful supportive boyfriend, my three wonderful dogs, the new house we just bought, and the deck I'm going to spend considerable amounts of time sunning myself in this warm weather . I can't thank everyone enough for their positive outlook, you people, this whole community is a blessing.

[shawn116]

Welcome to the FTS forum family Amandacheryl     I am so sorry about what you have had to endure.   Andrea is right.....  being able to gain control is so empowering.  You can do this and we are here every step of the way    Please come in and post often.   

To answer your question

I guess at the end of this unintended stupid sob fest I'm just wondering if anyone felt a sense of "loss" when starting to eat healthier? How do you cope when the feelings are unbearable? It's not even cravings that I feel. I feel like I've lost a source of comfort, a coping mechanism that I no longer have.

  Yes and no...... yes at first I did feel a sense of loss so I know what you mean here.  I have always been the biggest sweets person.  I have never met anything too sweet for me (hint that's why I picked that for my name  )  but when I realized I didn't really need or miss those things I was able to relax and enjoy feeling good again...... not to mention that there is always a way to replace most all of my favorite things anyway.  That is why FTS works as a lifestyle change.... we don't do without, we replace them.    I gained back control in my life and you can too.... I'm so glad you are here 

[umpa]

:" my wonderful supportive boyfriend, my three wonderful dogs, the new house we just bought, and the deck I'm going to spend considerable amounts of time sunning myself in this warm weather . I can't thank everyone enough for their positive outlook, you people, this whole community is a blessing" ..



Sounds like life is GOOD!!!! Here's a giggle for you! This is my bambam dog.He is one of 4 yorkies i own and a great sport!

[Amandacheryl]

He looks so sweet! My dogs are my life. I just love all our fur babies!

[Waterlilly]

My dogs are my life. I just love all our fur babies!

Hopefully, I can move in the next year to an apartment that accepts doggies. Then I TOO can have a "fur baby"!  I don't think I want children, but oh how I want a doggie!!! In the meantime, I'm enjoying the pooch pics.