VERY Upset With Myself

[jackibar]

After doing SO well since starting this way of eating back in September after being in the hospital and losing 51 lbs., bringing my A1C down from 9.8 to 6.4, and MANY other health improvements - but still needing to lose another 130-ish lbs. - I went CRAZY this past Sunday and had a major carb binge.  I didn't mess around - I ate EVERYTHING I could find that I hadn't been eating all these months - knowing full well it was going to shoot my sugar through the roof and mess me up in every way.  I don't know WHY I did this - it's crazy and makes no sense.

And now, 2 days later, I'm still feeling VERY down and disheartened.  I did very well yesterday and so far have done well today (back on track 100%).  But the scale is showing an 8 lb. weight GAIN in just that 1 day - is this even POSSIBLE??!!  I can hardly believe it...  I don't even want to write down that number or put it in my tracker that I gained that much back so fast...  Will it take long to come back off?? Is it possible most of this is water retention? I know when I started low carb before I immediately (overnight) lost a TON of swelling all over my body... or is this wishful thinking.

My blood sugar DID go crazy - almost up to 300 - hadn't seen those numbers since before being in the hospital and NEVER want to see them again - EVER.  I had to KEEP taking more and more insulin just to get it to come back down...   I'm still just about in tears and though I'm only even MORE motivated and convinced that this is the ONLY way to eat for my body - I'm still angry and upset with myself and the weight gain.  I have my labs next week and I am hoping I didn't mess them up too badly by that one day of stupidity.  I had been so excited about my upcoming Dr. visit and was looking forward to him seeing how much more weight I'd lost since my last visit 2 months ago.  But now I've gained so much back.  I'm just very discouraged that I did this and hope it comes back off quickly so I'll stay motivated.  I know it's not "JUST" about weight loss - but right now that's all I can think about.

[Kim P]

Don't be too hard on yourself!  I wouldn't give a second thought to Sunday.  Its not like you you went on a three week binge - just one day!  YES!!  I do think the weight will drop extremely quickly - probably just inflammation and water retention.  Keep going! You are doing GREAT!  Hugs - Kim

[jackibar]

Thanks for the encouragement, Kim... I was starting to think I freaked everyone out or something. Well, even though I've been getting rid of the excess water again, I did not lose even .1 of that weight back yet and now I'm freaking out... This is crazy. 

[umpa]

Jacki all will be well,dont be so hard on yourself Concentrate on all the days you did good!Not the one day you didnt! What do you think triggered it?

[jackibar]

Thanks so much, Umpa...

I'm trying... It would sure be easier if at least SOME of those lbs would come back off quickly. I'm fearing I'll be stuck at this weight again. But I AM trying to focus on the positives... My blood sugar is already back down and I'm on even less insulin than before this episode. Go figure...

As to what triggered this. That's a complicated, long story, but in a nutshell, it's from feeling unloved and like I don't really matter to someone I should matter more to. Feeling lonely and jealous of the person who IS getting the love and attention that should be mine. Always coming in second.

That day I just felt like what the heck? And I gave in.

[umpa]

People eat for every reason but hunger Maybe you should keep a journal so you can get those feelings out or speak to the person that makes you feel this way

[jackibar]

Thanks, Umpa... I've tried talking but nothing changes, so I'm having to learn that I'm the only one I can change!

Well, yesterday afternoon I finally got back into ketosis after doing very well for 2.5 days... And overnight 3.5 lbs came back off! I'm sure the rest will come back off soon...

So I'm going to relax and just learn from that mistake and keep doing what I KNOW works and just trust it WILL keep working for me, too 

[mdanziger]

Jacki,  The key to this experience is to learn from it, not dwell on it.  It happened, and you can't change that, so beating yourself up will do you no good.  You can remember how it made you feel, and use that feeling to stop yourself next time you feel yourself wanting to binge.

It is a natural human tendency to ignore all of the days in which you were successful, and focus on the one day you "failed".  However, you can see that as long as you get back on the wagon, falling off every once in a while is not catastrophic.  What is that saying?  The problem isn't falling down, it is failing to get back up again (or something like that).  Stay strong, and lean on us.  We are here for you.

Mark

[jackibar]

Thanks so much, Mark. I really appreciate the encouragement!

[mouseissue]

Hi, Jacki!

Your FTS family has given you excellent advice.

Most of us here are carboholics. We have an addiction to carbs.
When we eat for any reason (other than fueling our bodies), we are exhibiting that addiction.

At times of weakness and/or despair, we are the most vulnerable.
Knowing that, we can prepare for those times in life that challenge us.

Think about substituting something healthy other than eating for those times.
Find something you enjoy, and use it!

Tony

[jackibar]

You guys are just wonderful... I'm so very glad I found you 

[jackibar]

Another update...! All but .3 lbs has now fallen back off! I have really buckled down this week and not even had the sugar free treats I'd been having. Now to make it through the weekend which is always the hardest for me. But I'm soooo motivated now to keep this momentum going again and especially NOT to mess up again!

Phew, what a relief!

[mouseissue]

Hooray, Jacki!!!

You CAN do this!

Tony

[Kim P]

Woot! Woot!

[umpa]

If the weekends are hard maybe you should try something new .Like a new hobby,walking at the mall,or taking a roadtrip.We get to  stuck in routine sometimes