My name is Adele, I am 28 years old, 5’1”, and my current weight is 224 lbs. Since my thirteenth birthday I have had two big problems in my life. The first is major depressive disorder and the second that fallows the first like a row of chicks behind a hen, is being over weight. I have lost weight I few times in the past but the reasons for doing it were things such as, getting a guy, being able to fit in, or simply just to look good. These reasons were never solid ones, also with my mind constantly beating itself up because of depression I never had a good chance to make a change. Over the years my self worth became non-existent and I found it very difficult to think anything good about myself. It has taken me a lot of time to become more in control of my mental illness and with it came the realization that I need to
lose weight, not for the reasons before but because my body was telling me so. My knees and my feet hated me after losing weight three times over 12 years and then gaining it back. My brain despised the fact that I couldn’t possibly keep a relationship going if I was never happy about the way I felt and looked. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so hard if I had help. There was a point where my cousin was working out with me and it had been going well. Then she became too busy to go to the gym and I really didn’t want to go alone. My other down fall is food, I like it too much and I have used it as a crutch for so long I don’t know how to break the bad habit. Currently I am without support mental or physical and it is make me excessively miserable. I will be honest, I may be over weight but I am not totally unhealthy. I eat good meals most of the time. I guilty say that I do have extreme moments of weakness and binge like a zombie on brains. I bike and walk almost everywhere I need to go in the city and I am trying to “jog” once and while. I am beginning to see that it may not be the exercise that is my main problem. I can not seem to control myself very well when it comes to food. I’m a sugar slut I admit it, the classic female chocoholic. I know it is my biggest problem and when I avoid it for weeks on end it becomes a time bomb waiting for me to have a depressive episode. These episodes happen less often now-a-days but they still happen and that is when I lose any good work I have done. My physical appearance affects my thoughts about my self, my thoughts affect the way I treat my self and I treat myself in a way that makes me think poorly of myself and thus some nauseating cycle has been made. You would think that with that knowledge I could fix the problem but it just pisses me off. So in conclusion I need to
lose weight so that my knees stop complaining, so my thoughts do not destroy me and so I can receive a better compliment than just “cute”.
Sincerely Adele
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